Do you vote in political elections?
We’ve a Normal Election within the UK, someday this yr. Or perhaps early subsequent yr. No person actually is aware of. The federal government appear to be ready for a time when the general public begin liking them and … effectively … they’re nonetheless ready.
I’ve typically mentioned that the nation can be higher off run by cats. Sure, I do know that they’re full scoundrels. However we’re dominated by them anyway, albeit particular person ones moderately than one fundamental one, so wouldn’t it make quite a lot of distinction?
Regardless that he’s already a king, Louis Catorze thinks he would make a wonderful Premier Ministre. Right here is only a small part of his manifesto, which is topic to alter on an ongoing foundation:
⁃ Defence: all cats shall have the precise to defend their territory from impinging beasts, but additionally reserve the precise to wander wherever they need.
⁃ Border management: see “Defence”.
⁃ Well being: all cats shall obtain the very best personal healthcare, and cash shall be no object. In the meantime, even when a human is bleeding from the eyeballs, they shall not have the ability to guide a medical appointment for a minimum of a month (and, on the day of the appointment, the bleeding shall cease). Parkour at 3am shall turn into obligatory.
⁃ Tax and spending: all people shall be taxed for the privilege of housing a cat, within the type of fee for the very best medical care, the best meals and high-end feline equipment. The extra quite a few the cats, the larger the tax. And the extra silly the human, the larger the tax.
⁃ Training: all cats shall use thoughts management, creepy staring and emotional blackmail to instruct people. If this fails, it’s the human’s fault and the cat reserves the precise to resort to bodily means.
⁃ Policing and crime: it shall be in opposition to the legislation to fail to present a cat what they need, and cats shall deploy sanctions as and after they see match. See “Training”.
⁃ Setting: all cats shall hold their territory in immaculate situation by pooping in different individuals’s.
⁃ Pensions and welfare: as a cat ages, they shall have the precise to extend taxes indefinitely and with out prior discover, and people shall be answerable for this regardless of their very own monetary scenario. See “Tax and spending”.
⁃ Vitality: all cats shall expend web zero throughout the day, however go completely stark raving mad at evening. See “Well being”.
Would you vote for Catorze? For those who’re already doing any of the above for a feline overlord, you definitely wouldn’t be worse off underneath a Catorzian authorities …
PS Any vote for the opposition, and any abstention from voting, will probably be considered a vote in favour of Catorze.
